Welcome to your first day of class! I know it has been six weeks since our university has officially started, but I felt the need to postpone the start of this particular class in order to prevent you from being able to drop this class before your drop deadline.
You're welcome. :)
Rules of common courtesy:
Our university is home to a significantly diverse group of students from all around the world. The diversity of opinions and values of each and every one of our students is greatly valued. In fact, we place such value on our diversity that it compels us to construct a rigid set of societal norms that students must reflect in order to escape ostracism.
Lecture One: The proper way to introduce yourself
- Hi!!!Your initial greeting must be explicitly enunciated and forcefully expelled with a very delicate air of elation. If overdone, people will suspect ecstasy; if underdone, people will anticipate suicide.
- Shake handsHand contact is a must. If the bacteria from the other person's last sneeze does not penetrate your inner palm, you have just lost a friend—move back to start.
- My name is...If your name is too long or too hard to pronounce, you can bet that, no matter how fascinating you may think that you are, no one will remember your name.
- State your majorThis is the make-it or break-it moment. If the other person finds your major unrelatablely boring, it is game over.
Lecture Two: Nice meeting you, goodbye
Have a great weekend class! I know I will.
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