Zay: For a change...

Hello!

This is Zay, just the plain old, human Zay. I've decided to toss my typical university structure aside for a while and see where this takes me. I'm not sure how to begin. It's actually quite terrifying.

It's important to note that this feeling of terror is not entirely harmful. Terror is just a word and the feeling of terror is, similarly, just an experience. People don't generally go their whole lives haunted by a word; similarly, people should not generally go their whole lives afraid of an experience. After all, in the end, words are all we have in sentences; experiences are all we have in life. We may decorate our life with punctuations and talk, but our substance is in our experiences.

It is okay to feel terrified.

In the few months that I have attended college, I have had a lot of, personally, terrifying experiences and it has been all the more terrifying because I instigated them. Nothing that I have done has been life threatening and I would never casually recommend partaking in life threatening risks. However, in the moment, they definitely felt world ending.

Just to keep an ongoing list, as I do plan to keep this trend of taking risks going, I'll list a few:

I chose to attend UC Berkeley.
Grade deflation, huge class sizes, actual work loads, and diversity of people/opinions/living styles galore.

I chose CS.
Not sure, yet, if CS will chose me too.

I attempted to be extremely social.
"Attempted" because now I have realized that interacting with people, in the most generic sense of the word, takes a lower priority on my list of values than learning does. It's really all about personal preference and balance. Through, basically, throwing myself off my, perceived, deep end of social interaction, I have been able to strike a balancing line between how much social interaction and how much alone time I need.

I asked someone out.
Yup. I, Zay, asked someone out for the first time in my life. I was rejected. So...that happened.

I decided to write this post.
It's definitely a huge information leak, a personal security breach, and way outside my comfort zone, but I needed this to be honest.

That concludes my list, and my post, for now.
Until next time.

Bye!